So what do I mean by today’s thought? Let me give you an example to start this conversation out.

I remember hearing a statistic on NPR that 85% of people who are legally blind or blind are unemployed. I thought, of course, no one wants to hire a blindie, I knew it wasn’t MY fault that I was such a lose, I mean…

Then I thought about it more (from a less self deprecating perspective). I got a little ticked actually. I knew plenty of smart people who have sight impairments, me included. WHY then were we having such a hard time finding employment? Where we having a hard time finding employment? We must be.

It has got to be because of accessibility issues right? Like finding transportation to and from the workplace, that must be it. Or no one wants to sit in the cubical next to some talking computer all day, it must be discrimination. Or maybe it’s that blind people are perceived as not being as bright as their sighted applicants, as Gov. Paterson of NY feared an SNL skit reinforces.

Well crap, I may as well get my cup of pencils and go find some corner to stand on.

OR MAYBE the number is so high, 85%, because most people become sight impaired or blind later in life as older adults, as RETIRED ADULTS, adults who are not working any longer. Maybe?

Most the people who are sight impaired or blind that I know, of working age, are in fact, umm…working. Not just as piano tuners either. Not race car driver (yet) but all kinds of career choices based on interests not on sight.

Consider the information you hear on TV, even public radio carefully. More importantly, consider the information you are feeding yourself with equal or greater scrutiny. Your own information may be askew as well. Pay extra special attention to those “facts” that say things like “I can’t, I won’t, I don’t and I’ll never…” They may actually not be telling the whole story of who you really are.

Did you catch last weekends Saturday Night Live’s skit spoofing Gov. David Paterson of New York State? If you didn’t see it, maybe you have been hearing all the noise that has followed in its wake.

My take is that this is good news for people with disabilities. Think about it, a blind guy is Governor of New York State …An”openly blind” guy…Governor of NY! Plus, the guy has enough cache to merit a skit on SNL. Well, we have arrived!

It’s easy to forget the fact that we have already had a disabled person in high office. Then however every effort was made to hide the fact that the President of the United States of America, FDR, could hardly walk. Somehow a disability showed weakness, so it was painstakingly hidden. Today the disability of a public servant is not hidden. We have come so far in fact, that it’s acceptable fodder for a comedy skit. Or, it should be acceptable fodder, but we still have some raw nerves it seems. Too bad.

My only beef with the skit is that it just wasn’t that funny. Funny would have been if the Governor showed up and spoofed himself.

It’s too bad that Paterson jumped right into “outrage” before consider the situation from many angles. The same goes for The Federation for the Blind and other disability advocacy organizations. We had the chance to say, it’s great that we are at a place that it’s alright to poke fun at someone specific who has a disability. His character was not being attacked, his accomplishment as a guy in the public eye was being exploited. Haven’t we been aiming for equal access? He wasn’t selling pencils on street corners in New York City, we was holding a graph on the economy upside down. It wasn’t super funny but it was not degrading.

Take the risk and express your HONEST thoughts on this. I would love to hear what you have to say.

Yesterday she wrote a blog entry that I think is an important expansion to the thoughts I shared in my last post. She picked up where my expertise leaves off. So to both introduce you to Patty (if you don’t know her already) and also share her thoughts about spouses of disabled war vets, I’m reprinting her post. Here it is:

“…If you’re married to someone learning to go after his or her dreams with a body that can’t do some of the things it could do before, it’s going to throw some new obstacles in the path to your dreams, too. People are going to treat your spouse differently now. And it’s going to affect you. Your spouse must handle many things differently now. It’s going to affect how he or she handles your relationship, too.

Expect love. It won’t — it can’t — come in the same packages as before, but it will be there. Find other ways to get the other forms of help and support you need to follow your dreams.

Assume love. Don’t jump to conclusions about the meaning of a harsh or discouraging word or a change in daily rituals. You’ve both got a lot of adjusting to do, and you’re going to overadjust a few times before you get it right.

Look for third alternatives. Honor the dreams. Respect the efforts. Don’t ever think your first idea or two is all you get to choose from. Build the new rituals, the new furniture layouts, the new traditions, the new chore-sharing arrangements that build the new life and move toward the lifelong dreams that make you both whole no matter what.”

Click HERE to visit Patty’s blog

Click HERE to visit her Website

I think this language can, and often does, cause more pain than healing. When I read words like “help veterans get back on track and put the pieces of a very shattered puzzle together again” I think, “Ummm, not likely.” Not likely for that vet who’s got one original limb left after being hammered by roadside projectiles. I say you don’t put the pieces back together; you have to build a whole new kind of puzzle. That vet is going to learn to walk and button his shirts up in a new way; that’s not an old puzzle for him, it’s a new one.

I don’t want to sound like a hardass bitch, I just want to say, what’s gone is gone, and it hurts, it sucks and it deserves to be mourned. But to think it’s going to all fit back together neatly again like it once was, that life is going to be put back on track is doing people a disservice. Not just for the returning solder either but everyone. You and me and everyone. It’s hoping for the imposable and asking someone who’s gone through hell to come home and do the impossible. What a crappy thing to do to someone. And what a crappy thing to look on in disappointment as they try and fail at “putting the pieces together again.”

These are new lives being built. Maybe even better lives, yes better even with shrapnel still lodged in someone‘s gut. You’ve just got to get that no one is going to get back to normal. NORMAL does not exist anyway; “normal” is nothing more than a setting on a washing machine, period.

I read how an event is designed to help “wounded veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan become whole again.” I’m not sure what to say to that. If you are trying to go BACK to anything, anything whatsoever, it is
just not possible. Wholeness is what you make of it in a given moment. To tell the Iraq vet that an event will help him become whole again, might sting a bit. This man is whole and remains whole three limbs down. He is as whole as he is willing to work for being. Just like everyone else. But let‘s not lie to him either. He’s going to be looked at in a new way and even maybe talked to differently. To pretend he’s the same guy he has always been is patronizing. He’s a new him, with a new puzzle to design. I’m not suggesting that he asked for this new construction of his body, I’m not, I’m saying it is what it is. Go forward from there.

The one thing that is the same for every vet that has sustained a physical injury is that they have passions that can not and were not blown away by a roadside bomb. They may think it’s been lost to despair or impossible to disability, but I full heartedly disagree. You cannot amputate a dream, and a passion is only fogged by PTSD, not lost.

The dreams of loved ones of injured vets are also still intact. You, too, might need to design those dreams so they can be expressed given the new conditions for which you will be developing them. You, like the vet, must know that those dreams remain.

Trauma does not take your dreams. Injury does not steal a goal; only thinking it is gone and no longer attainable will rob you of your deepest and best self. I’m not saying it’s going to be a cakewalk getting your dreams expressed. I am saying it is by far the most important thing for you to do.

If you want to help people feel whole, help them express their dreams. Identify and address the new challenges head on, but only as fresh obstacles to accomplishing what always has been and always will be who they really are.

Don’t be fooled, small, seemingly unimportant edits can end up being a big fat road block on the path to ones best life. One seemly binine edit almost derailed the one thing I want to do more than just about anything, write this book.

You see, I can’t spell. It’s more than just a few words now and again. I just don’t see the miss spellings. It gets worst the faster I write, the more tired or distracted I am, and when I’m taking notes from something I’m listening to. It’s so bad sometimes that I can’t even understand what I wrote!

I’ve forever edited myself. Not sending little informal notes to friends, not doing applications or servays on site, all kinds of big and small ways that I avoided writing for fear my poor spelling would be exposed.

Getting anything out with correct spelling is tedious and always requires someone else to look over my words. Even with spell check I will still not catch all of my mistakes.

So as much as I love the written language, as much as I have always wanted to be a writer, I knew that with my “problem” it would just never happen. People who can not spell are stupid. If someone reads something that has spelling errors, they will see the errors, not the words, not the message, that’s what I figured.

The argument that that’s what spell check and editors are for is a fine argument, however, I need to get an editor to see past the countless errors to get at the content. I figure I would never be able to kick the door open that far.

Trying to hide this “issue” my whole life has been exhausting. So I’m here to say… I CAN NOT SPELL! I CAN write and that’s what’s really important.

I will figure it out. I will find a way to get my book combed over again and again, so that all the words are spelled right so the message is not lost in individual words. I know spelling is important, my friend Dianne put it to me this way “a miss spelled word is like a black dot on a white wall, I can’t help but see it.” because I want you to see the whole wall and not focus on the black dots, I do work hard to clean up my spelling (most of the time).

I do think I will have a page like this one in my book though. I will expose my faulty spelling gene in all it’s phinetic glory. I will show readers what my spelling really looks like in it’s bear naked form. This will be as strong an illistration as any to prove that an “issue” need not stop you from making a dream come true!

So if you are reading this and you are not doing something you really want to do, if you are editing your life for fear of being exposed, knock it off. Show off your whole self in all its messiness. Come as you are and we’ll figure out what you’ll need to do to make a dream come true.

Rachel

I recently posed the above question “do we need adversity to grow” on disaboom.com, a web based community that is “connecting the millions touched by disability.” 

Here’s my post to disaboom.

Here’s a question I’ve been thinking a lot about recently:

“Do we need adversity to grow?”

Below are some some of the comments I’ve recieved and my responses to them.  I would love for you to share your thoughts as well. 

^^^^^^^^

d wrote: I suppose I’ve always believed the adage “That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.” Not necessarily in the physical sense, but in the sense of developing inner strength, to be able to mentally and emotionally deal with all that life has to offer, both good and bad.

Rachel: At first I had the thought that every experience, thoughtfully evaluated, has within it the power to help use grow. Then I thought, it’s been the more challenging experances, and the times in which I’ve stuck my neck out in the pursuit of something meaningful to me that has shaped me as a person the most.

So as much as I would like to think that adage is silly, I think there really is something to it d.

d: I’ve had my share of adversity, and if you compared me to a tree, I suppose my trunk would look scarred and burned in places, my branches twisted and misshapen, some pruned off completely. But, a tree that is still managing to stand, nonetheless. I also believe that some trees that may not be as physically strong as others can still thrive and grow stronger with the help of the surrounding trees that help to protect them when things are too harsh, or provide “leaning posts” to keep them from falling. Of course, in this analogy, the surrounding trees would be loved ones/caregivers, assistance devices, and faith.

R: So wonderfully expressed!

d: The tree analogy makes an excellent one. Have you ever seen a tree or plant grown in zero gravity,away from natural light and normal surroundings? They grow in peculiar shapes, often stunted and never blooming or reaching anything like their full potential. They are grown in a vacuum, with no outside influences or forces to help them develop. I’d compare this to a person that becomes withdrawn and reclusive, keeping only to him or herself, without contact by “outside forces” (people, life and everyday experiences in general) that might nurture them into something more.

R: Interestingly a tree that stands alone is much more vulnerable than a tree in a forest. Maybe we need some kind of balance of adversity and security.

d: As a person, and not a tree, I personally feel that I need to be challenged on occasion, just to keep my muscles toned in order to face the big winds. Then again, she whined to all who would listen, I don’t want it always to be difficult. It would be nice to just be able to coast once in a while, too, and not have even the simplest thing turn into an all-week project.

R: Boy do I hear you there! “I want to grow to my fullest potential, but I sure wish it didn’t have to hurt any.”

d: Interesting topic, by the way. I’m looking forward to reading the other responses!

R: Thanks me too!

I also wonder, if we don’t have “adversity” tossed in our laps, do people go and seek it? You know like with extreme sports or drug use. I know substance abuse can be used for a pain-killer. And we all seeming to agree it’s in part the pain that makes us strong.

But I wonder, do you suppose that some people use drugs more as a pain creator? I don’t know.

^^^^^^^^

T wrote: I was watching the Matrix again for the first time in years the other night (to lazy to go rent something newer, I suppose) and was struck by some of the dialogue: Agent Smith said that the first version of their world had been a disaster because everything was perfect and that the second version was much better because it had pain and suffering and that people somehow needed the pain and suffering. I thought that was very interesting.

R: I love when a topic like this and popular culture come together in the the same mixing bowl. Thanks for the great example T.

T: Looking at it from that angle raises a companion question to the one you asked: Is it possible to grow to one’s fullest potential without ever experiencing pain/suffering/adversity? I’m not sure that it is.

R: I’m not sure it is either. Heck, think about it, doctors whack us on our behinds to get us to breath. It starts early.

T: Perhaps adversity is part of the human condition and without it we’d be incomplete.

R: Right like d said, like the trees that grew in zero gravity without some kind of adversity.

^^^^^^^

Seems like my blog post only be so long, so I’ll create a second one with more of the disaboom comments.

Answer this simple question.

What’s your favorite color? 

Sounds silly? 

It is!

Answer it anyway, because it can be fun too.

Post your answer on comments.  If you don’t know how to comment on a blog click here

(…And no, I have not run out of things to talk about on my blog)

I’ll be back to ask the next part of the question ON TUESDAY!

Next Teleconference

THIS SATURDAY!!

Just a reminder, my next teleconference is:

April 26

3:00 – 4:00 PM EDT

There are a few “seats” left for Saturday’s call. If you’re interested in participating, fill out the form on the contact page by 9:00 PM EDT this Friday April 25.

Once I get your email I’ll send you the phone number and access code you’ll need to join in the conversation.  After you have done this once you’ll automatically be informed of all future calls.

There is no charge for the teleconference, except what your long distance carrier charges for a call.

The Call

The conference call is set up in an informal question and answer format. Saturday’s conversation uses Anais Nin’s quote,  “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom,” as a topic starter.
You may want to take a few notes.  If note taking is difficult for you, please let me know before the start of the call.